Why We Struggle With Self-Care.

(And What That Might Be Trying to Tell Us)

Self-care sounds simple: take a break, go for a walk, set boundaries, put yourself first sometimes.
But in reality? It can feel hard — even impossible — to actually do.

If you've ever told yourself you "should" rest, but kept pushing through...
Or felt guilty for saying no...
Or put everyone else's needs above your own...
You're definitely not alone.

Self-care touches something deeper than just "being kind to ourselves."
It often bumps up against old patterns, beliefs, and fears that we've learned over time.

1. Beliefs About Worth

Many of us grow up believing that love, approval, or safety are earned — through hard work, selflessness, or "being good."
Taking time for ourselves can feel selfish, lazy, or even wrong if we’ve internalized the idea that our value comes from what we do for others.

Self-care, then, isn’t just about running a bath or meditating. It’s about challenging a much deeper belief:
"I am only worthy if I am useful."

2. Fear of Disappointment or Conflict

Saying no, setting limits, or even just slowing down can trigger a fear of letting others down.
Maybe you’re used to being the "strong one," the "helper," or the "reliable one."
Choosing yourself might risk feeling exposed, vulnerable, or even facing disapproval from others — and that can feel scarier than just pushing through.

3. Old Survival Strategies

For some, constantly "doing" or "giving" was once a survival strategy — a way to stay connected, stay safe, or stay valuable in a tough environment.
When those patterns are deeply wired in, even good self-care can feel unfamiliar or unsafe.

It takes time (and compassion) to unlearn survival habits that once protected you.

4. Lack of Practice

Self-care isn't just a skill — it's a practice.
And like any practice, it feels awkward at first.
If you've spent years putting others first or running on empty, it makes sense that self-care would feel unnatural at first.

Gentle repetition — starting small, celebrating tiny wins — helps make it more normal over time.

Self-Care Isn't a Luxury — It's a Language of Self-Respect

Struggling with self-care doesn't mean you're weak, broken, or selfish.
It means you're human — carrying a lot of invisible stories and histories that shaped how you relate to yourself.

When we struggle with self-care, it's not a personal failing.
It's an invitation to look closer at the beliefs, fears, and wounds underneath — and to start rewriting the script.

Self-care is not just what you do.
It’s how you relate to yourself.

And you deserve to be related to with kindness.

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